Permissible Marriage Relationships
Permissible Marriage Relationships : Physical Consanguinity and Spiritual Affinity
Historically and generally in human society, the concern about consanguinity has been prominent in determining possible and permissible marital relationships. Orthodox Christians inherited from Judaism first the awareness that all human beings are called to live in a relationship of selfless love which reflects the selfless love of the Creator of All towards them ; second, that the same Lord and Creator have us guidelines as to how a true human being would live a physically and spiritually healthy life. Amongst these guidelines are the fundamental prohibitions (taken as prescribed for us by the Lord through Moses) so that incest may be avoided (see 3 Moses (Leviticus) 18). The list is summarised thus : One (from the male perspective) may not marry :
• One's mother (Leviticus 18:7) • One's father (Leviticus 18:7) • One's step-mother (Leviticus 18:8) • One's paternal or maternal sister (Leviticus 18:9) • One's paternal sister through one's father's wife (Leviticus 18:11) • One's daughter (inferred from Leviticus 18:10) • One's grand-daughter (Leviticus 18:10) • A woman and her daughter (Leviticus 18:17) • A woman and her grand-daughter (Leviticus 18:17) • One's aunt by blood (Leviticus 18:12 3) • One's father's brother (uncle) (Leviticus 18:14) • One's father's brother's wife (aunt) (Leviticus 18:14) • One's daughter-in-law (Leviticus 18:15) • One's brother's wife (sister-in-law) (Leviticus 18:16), with the exception of “Yibum” (Levirate marriage) • One's wife's sister (sister-in-law) during one's wife's lifetime, even if since divorced (Leviticus 18:18).
Of course, the prohibitions are the same for a female, although they are not so stated.
It is worth noting that the concerns outlined in 3 Moses are not merely regarding blood-relationship, since the prohibition about a step-mother or a sister-in-law is not concerned with this alone. It may imply the concern about spiritual relationship as well.
It is important to keep in mind that these and all other God-given guidelines are best regarded by us not as mere legal rules and regulations, but rather as the prescriptions given by the Divine Physician who provides for our well-being and healthy living.
It is true that after the dispersion following the destruction of the Temple and of Jerusalem (after 135 AD), there was less strictness applied in the application of these directives for the sake of the very survival of the people. Nevertheless, the directives remain. Current genetic studies seem to indicate that although the people themselves did survive, there seem to be some predispositions to certain illnesses amongst the Ashkenazi Jews of Europe that developed in the course of the subsequent centuries.
Although occasionally there may be a situation in which an exception may be made, it is particularly dangerous in the matter of consanguinity when the exception becomes the accepted custom.
In the Orthodox Christian Church, the fundamental directives remained in practice for many centuries. However, in the Middle Ages, at some time following the separation of the western church from the Orthodox Church, changes occurred in the West which brought their practices closer to those of Judaism in those days.
No change occurred in the Eastern Orthodox Churches.
The Lord Jesus the Christ made clarifications about marriage, and about prohibiting marriage after divorce : [Matthew 19:1-11 (Mark10:1-10)]
Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan ; and great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason ?' And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning "made them male and female", and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" ? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate'. They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away ?' He said to them, 'Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so ; and I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery ; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery'. His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'. But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given : for there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it'. (See also Luke 16:16-18.)
These matters are addressed also by the Apostle Paul in his letters : 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 ; 7 ; 11:1-16 ; Ephesians 5:21-33.
Keeping in mind that the directives about marriage were given by God for the welfare and health of human beings (not mere legal rules), the Apostle Paul clarifies (particularly in Corinthians 6) that the physical union and the spiritual union happen together. It is a refined explanation that aids the comprehension of the meaning of Genesis 2:24 ("Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh"), which the Lord Jesus Christ reiterates in Matthew 19:5-6, and in Mark 10:8.
Said directly, the physical union (correctly confined only to the marriage relationship as blessed by God) makes the two persons into one complete whole (the two become one flesh). When the two become one flesh, there also comes a spiritual union.
The importance of this is stressed by the Saviour, when He said : “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). He stresses the importance of fidelity and purity as involving the whole of one's being and the right focus of one's being. He further emphasises the completeness of the marital union : both physical and spiritual. Of course, what the Saviour says about the the man applies in the same way to the woman.
The spiritual union that comes with the physical union brings with it a spiritual relationship with the spousal relatives as well.
The various concerns that come with consanguinity (such as physical heritage and inheritance concerns) included attempts to avoid confusion with regard to relationships as well. In the past, when these concerns have been superseded by political or other concerns, and when marriages have thus been permitted with more closely-related relatives over some time, there have been painful consequences, not the least of these being amongst the most powerful in society.
Ultimately, the restriction about whom one may marry was limited to those beyond the seventh degree of relationship (that is, beyond second cousins).
About spiritual affinity, Saint Nicodemus the Hagiorite indicates that :
This relationship results when one sponsors a child at the ceremony of Holy Baptism ; for the man who undertakes this sponsorship is making the child in question his spiritual son or daughter, as the case may be ; accordingly, he becomes a closer and more intimate relative and father of the child than is its carnal father, because just as the spirit is higher than the body, the relationship of the spirit is higher than that of the flesh. Therefore, such a sponsor or his/her carnal child may not marry the god-son/daughter (spiritual child) sponsored in baptism. The sponsor likewise may not marry the parent of the sponsored child, nor may the sponsor's children marry the parent of the sponsored child. No sponsor's carnal child may marry the children of any of their parent's sponsored children. A man may not marry the widow of his spiritual brother. If a husband sponsors one child and the wife another child, none of those children nor their children's children may marry one another. A son-in-law may not marry the god-daughter of his father-in-law.
The above particular concerns refer primarily to lands in which the Orthodox Christian Faith is the in the majority or in the great majority. In certain societies, there are long-held customs amongst which there is no intermarriage. These families are so distinguished because they sponsor members of each other's families in baptism and marriage, and which therefore, because of spiritual affinity, do not intermarry.
Concerns in "diaspora"
In lands in which the Orthodox Christian Faith is in the minority, or in the great minority (often in places of emigration), the particular concern about consanguinity is generally of lesser concern. However, this is not the case when the local populations try to maintain a national identity in emigration, and therefore try to marry only amongst those of a similar national inheritance.
The more frequently-arising concern in lands of emigration may be that of spiritual affinity. There are situations in which there are many people being baptised or chrismated into the Orthodox Christian Faith, and enough sponsors for such candidates for Illumination may be difficult to find. As a consequence, occasions may arise in which marriages may be hoped for between couples who find themselves in a closer-than-permitted spiritual affinity. In such cases, it is appropriate to seek the blessing of the proper authority for the marriage to proceed.
Adoptive kinship
In adoption, there must be four degrees of separation for marriage. Adoptive parents may not marry adoptive children. An adopted child may not marry a carnal child nor step-sibling of the adoptive parents.
An adopted child may not marry a blood relative of the adoptive parents until the fifth degree of separation.
Following is a table (available on the internet) which demonstrates the nature of relationships by blood-relationship :
References
Orthodox Christian Information Centre, "Concerning Relationship Due to Holy Baptism"
Sanidopoulos, John, "A List of Prohibited Marriages in the Orthodox Church"